Choi Seung Hyun “Regret and reflection on my lost 30s... I‘m sorry to the members of BIGBANG” (Comprehensive)[DA:Interview]

Actor Choi Seung Hyun (TOP), formerly of group BIGBANG, looked back on his hiatus and expressed his feelings of reflection. He apologized to the members of BIGBANG and their fans, and promised to live diligently in the future.

On the 15th at 10 AM, an interview with Choi Seung Hyun, who appeared in the second season of the Netflix series ‘Squid Game’, was conducted at a cafe in Jongno-gu, Seoul.

Choi Seung Hyun met with the press for the first time in 9 years since participating in an interview to commemorate the release of the group BIGBANG’s third regular album ‘MADE’ in 2016. As an actor, it has been 11 years since the last interview for the 2014 film ‘Tazza: The Hand of God’.

Choi Seung-hyun, who completed his neat styling with neat pomade hair and a black suit, greeted the reporters that day looking very nervous. Even after more than 20 reporters entered, he stood there, not knowing what to do. He carefully sat down and said, “It‘s been so long. It’s been 11 years since I‘ve been interviewed, so I thought about it carefully and came here with a heavy heart. I wanted to meet the reporters and interview them when the time was right, but I’m sorry for being late. I will tell you the truth. Thank you for taking your precious time. Please take care of me.“


The reason Choi Seung-hyun confessed his feelings like this is because of his controversial past. First, he was sentenced to 10 months in prison and 2 years of probation for smoking marijuana in July 2017. He was forcibly discharged from the military police after being deemed unfit for re-enlistment, and later completed his alternative service as a social service agent. After that, he did not have any other entertainment activities and continued his activities on his own in the world of social media.

In 2019, when a netizen left a comment on social media saying, ”Reflect on yourself. Stop using social media. And don‘t come back,“ Choi Seung-hyun replied directly, saying, ”Yes! I have no intention of doing it either. Just look at pictures of animals.“ In 2020, he said on a live SNS broadcast, ”I won’t make a comeback in Korea. I don‘t want to make a comeback at all. If I do that, another article will come out, so someone next to me is trying to stop me. Please stop publishing articles about people who don’t have any thoughts.“ ”People are so mean. I wish I had love,“ he appealed.

Since then, Choi Seung-hyun seemed to be taking steps unrelated to the entertainment industry, such as participating in the wine business and the first civilian moon flight project. In May 2023, he officially left Big Bang, confessing, ”I already said that I would leave. Since last year, I have been facing a new chapter in my life.“ At the same time, he clearly drew the line by marking the letter X with the word Big Bang in the captured image of an article that referred to him as ‘Big Bang T.O.P.’.


When news spread that Choi Seung-hyun, who had declared his withdrawal from Big Bang and retirement from the entertainment industry, would join the new season of ‘Squid Game’, the public expressed their rejection from the start. Here, Director Hwang Dong-hyeok, who directed ‘Squid Game’, defended Choi Seung-hyun, emphasizing that he appeared with courage.

However, the negative reactions became even stronger after the work was released. This is because Thanos, played by Choi Seung-hyun, was a former rapper and drug offender who seemed to reflect his life. There was a series of negative views on the actual drug offender‘s drug acting, and there was even controversy over his acting skills. However, some overseas viewers praised Thanos, played by Choi Seung-hyun, as an attractive character.

Regarding the fact that he was doing the interview so late, Choi Seung-hyun said, ”I thought about it a lot and was carefully considering the right time. I asked the people involved to come here and do this. It seemed right to meet the reporters and talk. It’s true that I was afraid because it had been so long since I‘ve been on the show,“ and added, ”My heart was heavy as I watched the casting controversy. I also felt a sense of responsibility as I had more time to reflect,” he confessed.

He said, “I first received an audition offer through the production company. When I first read the script, I also thought a lot about the character setting. It’s a character that has to face my shameful past, and to be honest, it’s a character that could become a ‘stuffed image,’ so I had a lot of concerns and hesitation as a human being.” He continued, “But I thought that maybe this was a character that was destined for me, so I filmed an audition video and sent it. After that, I met the director and had a meeting. After several meetings, the director asked me to film another tape and send it, and I filmed the character I designed and sent it. That’s how I was cast.”

Choi Seung-hyun revealed that he considered leaving the cast after receiving a flood of negative responses following the announcement of the lineup. He said, “I felt nothing but ashamed that the names of my irrelevant seniors were mentioned. At the time, I felt like I was going to collapse, and I even thought about leaving. I was very nervous, but I thought it was my duty to repay the director for the time and trust he spent with me while designing the character of Thanos. I made a difficult decision because I thought it was my duty to work hard together with the production team,” he confessed.

When asked if he was considering a comeback because it was a new series of the already global hit ‘Squid Game’, Choi Seung-hyun said, “Rather, for me, it was ‘Squid Game’, so I felt burdened, cautious, and had a lot of worries. It’s true that I hesitated because the burden was doubled,” and added, “There was a time during the 10 years when no one looked at me as a person. But Director Hwang Dong-hyuk was the first to reach out. I was able to gain courage thanks to the courage and trust the director gave me. “Acting is a profession that is written about, so I thought that repaying that trust and doing a good job was another homework,” he answered.


After the release of the drama, Choi Seung-hyun admitted, “I think I have to endure the evaluation myself and humbly accept it” regarding the positive and negative reactions.

He continued about Thanos, saying, “The director and I discussed it a lot and designed the character meticulously. It was a character that could evoke a dark and heavy atmosphere even in the scenario. Since it was an unrealistic and cartoonishly depicted character, Thanos was set up not as a flashy or cool rapper, but as a hip-hop loser with a failed life. In that regard, it’s true that the character relies on drugs and looks ridiculous and less off-putting, so I set it up that way.”

He explained that the rap was intentionally expressed awkwardly and comically in the setting. Choi Seung-hyun said, “The rap lyrics were in the script. The original number of characters was larger. Even in the script, the god itself was a funny and bizarre god with an odd timing. The mental age of the character Thanos is almost that of Shin-chan. I wanted to emphasize the part where he cringes like a ‘hip-hop loser’ while rapping. I was embarrassed and cringed, but I did my best because it was my role.”

He said, “The drug Thanos takes is a strong drug, so I looked up a lot of information when I was researching the character. I found out that when you depend on such drugs, your teeth get damaged a lot, and when you don‘t have the drug, you get anxious, and you experience extreme anxiety and ADHD symptoms. I wanted to act differently before and after Thanos takes the drug before starting the game ’The Rose of Sharon Has Blossomed‘ in the game room. Because he feels extreme anxiety and nervousness, his rhythm is also different from that of ordinary people. He also revealed that he tried to act with a slurred pronunciation like mumble rap, which is done by Southern American rappers.

He said that he fractured his ribs during the bathroom scene with Myung-gi (Im Si-wan), but showed fighting spirit. Choi Seung-hyun said, ”It’s true that my ribs were cracked. I received simple treatment on set. Since the bathroom scene is a scene where so many people perform the action scene together, I thought that I had to do it with a sense of responsibility until the end. Since Im Si-wan also has a lot of experience in action scenes, I relied on him a lot while filming with him. We filmed in a good mood while going ‘eusha eusha’ to each other.“

Regarding the performance reminiscent of Big Bang‘s choreography during the ’round, round‘ game, he said, ”It’s a cowboy dance, but I didn‘t think of Big Bang. He explained, “Since it’s content watched by viewers all over the world, I think I unconsciously came out because I was dancing to it.”

Choi Seung-hyun also said, “As an actor, I don’t think I can be objective about what I express. I monitored both good and bad reviews from home and abroad. I’m trying to use this as a stepping stone and reference it to grow further.” He said he has no regrets about the early ending of Season 2. He even joked, “Thanos does a lot of bad things in the drama, but it doesn’t seem like he lives long.”


He repeatedly apologized, saying he was embarrassed whenever the group Big Bang was mentioned. Choi Seung Hyun said, “I caused great hurt and disappointment to my beloved family due to my mistake, and I also caused harm to the members of Big Bang.” He continued, “In my 20s, I enjoyed great glory and received too much love, but the process of fall and destruction was a path I had never been on in my life, so I went through a very dark time. At the time, I was broken and had no strength to get back up, so I wanted to give up everything.” He confessed, “When I was like that, my heart ached a lot when I saw some of the fans waiting for my comeback. The only way to communicate was through SNS, but at the time, I was so dark that I carelessly lost my judgment. I deeply reflect on the foolish words I said and I feel ashamed.” He continued, “I wasn’t in my right mind at the time. I regret saying those words. He apologized, saying, “I will reflect on this for the rest of my life.”


He has completely shut out the possibility of rejoining Big Bang. He said, “To be completely honest, I caused great damage to the team called Big Bang and my former company (YG Entertainment) because of my mistakes. That’s why I said I would leave the team several years ago with the thought that ‘I can’t cause any more damage to the agency and the members.’ Now, I have to endure doing things on my own and achieving them in the future, but if I go back to the team that I caused harm to, the members will also be labeled with the label of my mistakes, so I feel ashamed. It‘s been a long time since I said I was going to leave because I was in pain, but when I saw fans who wanted a reunion writing posts like that, even I felt heartbroken,” he confessed.

He then confessed, “I wanted to make it clear, but as I’m meeting reporters for the first time in 11 years and telling you, I had no outlet to share it. I felt guilty when I looked at the photos of the members, and as someone who left the group, it felt like looking at a family photo I had left. The pain and suffering cannot be described unless you‘re the one involved. I think the expression was reckless, but that wasn’t what I meant.”

Choi Seung Hyun said that he had already expressed his intention to leave the group when he was discharged after completing his alternative service as a social worker. When asked, “Didn‘t the members of Big Bang try to dissuade me?” he said, “That’s an ambiguous answer. I think it would be reckless for me to talk about members or people who aren‘t here.” He also said that he currently has no contact with the members of Big Bang, adding, “I feel ashamed. Even I still feel so sorry that I can’t contact them right away. I think I need to calm down a little,” he said.

As a member of BIGBANG, he ended his activities with BIGBANG‘s ‘Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter (Still Life)’ in 2022. He said, “I thought of it as my last project as BIGBANG, so I worked hard. Some fans still want a reunion and have hope. When I saw that, I felt heartbroken rather than angry,” and said, “There were many photos of me and the members tagged together on SNS. I will live my life feeling sorry toward the members. I bow my head once again and deeply apologize for using the wrong expression.”

Regarding the argument with netizens on SNS, he said, “There were people who were not fans but maliciously leaving malicious comments. To be honest, I was in the dark at the time and wasn’t in my right mind. I was so reckless. Even thinking about it now, it hurts so much. I regret it,” he said, admitting his mistake. Choi Seung-hyun nodded several times, pledging not to express himself in an immature way like before.


Choi Seung-hyun also looked back on his hiatus and said, “My 30s were a lost time for me. I went through a time of sincere reflection along with a deep sense of shame and self-deprecation,” and confessed, “I was healed while making music during that time. I want to let my fans hear my music.”

He said, “For the past 7 years, I’ve practically isolated myself from society and lived only at home and in my music studio. I just worked on music in the dark. It was the only time I could breathe when I was making music and in front of the microphone. I made music so I could live. In that dark heart and bitter pain, I spent my time making the music I wanted to listen to. I made a ton of songs. Of course, I thought I had to let my fans hear them,” he said.

Choi Seung-hyun, who spent more than half of his 30s in a hiatus, expressed his hopes by saying, “I want to live my coming 40s as an ordinary young man in Korea more healthily and stably than anyone else. I want to become a stable top.” When asked, “What does Choi Seung-hyun think a stable life is?” he answered, “When I wake up in the morning and there are no bad articles about me on portal sites. Not feeling anxious.”

Choi Seung-hyun revealed that in order to live a healthy and stable life, he is currently filling his daily life with a healthy and balanced diet, regular exercise, and positive thoughts. He said, “I also think that it is my responsibility to comfort the hearts of my wounded fans and heal them again. He said, “I can’t tell you exactly yet, but I think that day will come soon.”

Regarding his next work, he said, “There’s nothing we’re talking about. Rather than talking about my future plans in particular, I think today’s a place where I want to have an honest conversation about ‘Squid Game’ and the various things that have happened so far.” He added, “I think I’ll be able to tell you when the time comes.”

Lastly, he promised and pledged to be different now. Choi Seung-hyun said, “Because the fans didn’t realize that I left because I felt sorry for the team (Big Bang), there were misunderstandings that piled up and hurt me. I want to tell you that because the reporters listened to my story and were able to talk candidly through this place today, I don’t think there will be any more misunderstandings in the future.”

Jung Hee-yeon, Donga.com reporter shine2562@donga.com
Photo｜THE SEED